Aja and her thoughts....

[A.J. Grant]

So, seeing as I am new to the forums, I was browsin around and I saw this part..journals..it said we members could work on our own so i assumed that that meant I could also start one up. I took a look at all the rest and kind of got a feel for what they are all about. Personally, this is gonna be my thoughts..some might not make sense...some might be really dumb but ah well...

I attended the meet at Fuccerdoodles on sunday and it was awesome. The turnout was great seeing what the weather looked like. It was foggy and even started to rain as the day went on. Sometimes I think that it is just me, see, whenever I go outside..it rains..is God tryin to tell me something? But anyways..I rode in with a member of SCLC with some of the ICM models(Import Car Model). We were planning on taking some great pictures with all of the lovely cars..but hey, the weather wouldnt permit us. As we pulled in though, i was astonished by how many members actually showed up. I mean, SoCalEvo members are dedicated, i was proud so i know how Rob must have felt to see so many come in support of this club. We walked around a bit, looked at some gorgeous evo's( I got a ride in some, even got to start one up - hehe), and then I saw my future husband...that evolution. You know the one...R.Tallini's evo. It was gorgeous...beautiful blue...gorgeouds stickers positioned just right..it was callin me. I saw that car and Rob Tallini took me for a spin in that baby when he was just coming up(see, I know cars are ladies, but this particular one is a man to me). I saw that car and just coulda...boy i coulda...ooh ok ima move on..

Fuddrocckers is a nice place, Chris killed me with the size of his burger and i swear i thought if he finished it he was gonna puke on me...(ok chris no more sittin next to me when you eat half a cow). I also marveled at how some of the SoCalEvo dudes are kinda cute...kinda? Ok, well, really cute....lets move on..

Driving up to our photo destination was hella long..i hadnt slept in almost 24 hours so i did catch myself waking up to drool on my cheek...(sorry Brian, i will get that seat cleaned - haha). It was freezing. I mean not only cold freezing, but freezing my nipples off freezing. I never in my life wanted a padded bra so much like I did when we reached the top. Or maybe i just wanted to snuggle next to one of the car dudes that was there...iono

I had a great time...besides the cold, and the yellow snow(haha). Loved it when that dude mooned a picture...(i know his butt hairs froze off) loved riding back down the hill and Rob almost killing me. I swear i saw my life flash before my eyes...that and the yellow and red evo we coulda hit...but Rob drives well, i was just a lil shakin...ok im not hoppin in a car unless it has back wheels ok?

But seriously let me stop kidding...it was a great meet. I cant wait for the next one..maybe then me and my girls can actually get our pants off and spread em on some of your cars...

till next entry...sExYpImPtResS

[A.J. Grant]

It is 3:08 in the morning and I am still awake...this is why my body is not conditioned to go to bed early. I'm working, why? because i have to. Always working..even when I should be relaxing, see I started this modeling company cause I found it to be easy..well it isnt. I am always workin...there are slight benefits..parties, clubs like SoCalEvo and others...working with girls as nice as you, gettin to be the boss...but there are draw backs. The night of the show I wonder if the girls I schedule will show, will everything go as planned, I stay up almost every night like this, doing paperwork...and then when I get an invite to a particular event, do you know what follow? No? I will tell you, late nights and stress. I cant recall the last time I had time for a real boyfriend.


Some men don't understand that I take what I do seriously. They think, oh she's just a chick and when she says she likes cars that doesnt mean anything...why the hell would I say it if it werent true? Are there any guys out there that get excited when they see a sexy car roll by that purrs not too rough but just right? Or when they see a truck with a string of cars connected to it that they only wish they could drive...am I the only female that gets excited about things like that? Or am I crazy for gettin happy when I learned how to install a grounding kit? Maybe I was just stupid for hanging around the garage to help a friend saw down a piece of a body kit so that it would fit over his muffler just right...damn I wouldnt have started this company if i didnt love being around cars...I just wish sometimes that someone else would understand that...not think that im blowin em off but one day...when everything is soaring like i want it to, I will take out some time for me. Right now I just dont see it...all I see are cars...fast cars...

[A.J. Grant]

Ok so now do I have a headache or what?!? I'm like hella excited though, Import Showoff is on Saturday. Sucks though cause my ma has this huge graduation ceremony on Saturday, starts at 2 just as Import Showoff does...man what to do, what to do..i may be a lil late to I.Showoff. LOL IONO....

What do you do when you know someone who is untrusting? It kinda makes me feel really bad when they accuse me of not beng truthful to them. But then at the same time it pisses me off that they would believe someone who doesnt know me over me. I don't like gossip..especially not about me. I don't get very emotional or personal with people. Like the saying says, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. People know too much about me and think they know me, so hey, i figure that the less they know, the more quiet they will be when it comes to me. Yet people are still around smackin their gums talkin...

I can't be too upset, in biblical days they talked about Jesus and he was the Messiah. So im sure if that happened to him it will happen to me(not in anyway am i comparing myself to jesus...hm)

I just wish sometimes that..arg...it doesnt matter..why does it have to be so hard?

[A.J. Grant]

It's not going to be a good night for me. You know why...and you know i'm talking to you. I'm not happy when you aren't.

[A.J. Grant]

So, um yeah, crazy thing just happened to me! Ok so i'm talkin to this friend of mine and we are talkin about how I dont know how to drive stick shift. I just think it is so difficult. But he tell me he can teach me in like 30 minutes! I said ok well lets see about that, so tomorrow im goin on my first drive in a stick shift! If I learn in 30 minutes im gonna be surprised as hell...

that just made my night...sittin in the driveer seat..grabbin a hold of that stick shift and just thrustin it....hmm....

[A.J. Grant]

Is it wrong for a girl to just come straight out and say what she thinks? I liked this whole journal idea cause it kinda gives a guy a view as to what a girl is thinkin..as far as everything,cars, life, other guys, what we want. I like to speak my mind..i dont know why i cant hold my tounge. i always have an opinion and love to share it...haha but am i the only female that says what she is thinking? Maybe others are to scared of what you guys may think. I dont care, ...

Why do I know so many men, yet i dont feel that any are the type i would go out with. I dont know?

Its like i put men in categories...friends, talking, relationship, marriage material.

Friends will never get anywhere with me. When a guy is put in that position, as just a friend, I dont see him as anything else.I can talk to him, walk around naked in front of him it doesnt matter, but i dont go there. Friends are what they are.

If im talking to him then nothing will go on...theres a possibility that i may want to be with him later...i might kiss him. Butnaturally if im talkin to a man then i am sexually attracted to him...so ..hm..

Do i really need to say what goes on when i am in a relationship with someone? Im a scorpio...that should explain it all.

I havent really thought about marriage. Im scared of it i guess. Im sure though that marriage isnt an easy thing. Its nothing like a relationship. It has downfalls, but im sure that it has its great moments in the long run. You can wake up to the one that you love and are in love with everyday of your life. I know when i get married there is no room in my life for divorce. Maybe that is why i am not too keen on the whole marriage idea in the first place. I see all these people gettin married and then 6 years later gettin a divorce. I dont want that...but when i do get married..one thing i can count on is sex. In the morning, in the shower, maybe i might surprise my husband for lunch, when he gets home from work, in the shower again(haha) and right before i go to bed. Hell he may even wake up to sex. IONO but marriage aint for a while..so im not even goin there...

All these four categories mean something to me.But right now i have only one- friends. I was hurt a long time ago like really bad by a dude..so i havent had a serious relationship in a while.I think maybe i am scared to go into one.Not that i dont see many guys that are worthy of gettin all of me...i just dont let myself go enough to trust that i wont get hurt.

Weird huh? I guess this doenst make any sense to some of you...but venting is always good for me...My thoughts seem to blend into each other and form one big giant molding pot of unanswered questions..damn...

till next entry..sExYpImPtReSs

[A.J. Grant]

Lord...im gettin tired.



Is that enough to put today? That I am very tired....of what you say? Damn where do I begin...ok so i learned how to drive stick(yeah it wasnt good). Let me just get this out the way, I HATE HILLS! Yeah i thought i was going to kill us. There was a reason I stayed with automatics and i figured out why when i learned to drive a stick. Although the reward was fun..when i finally learned and didnt have the car jerkin every 5 minutes,my driver took me out to eat. Very nice.

Ok now back to me being tired...man i am tired! Such a long day today..I dont even feel my fingers as they are typing this im so tired. I hate men...im goin gay..(yeah right). HAHA I wish that he would just get over past stuff and realize what is in front of him...but im not ready to be in a relationship!!! What is wrong with me! A friend of mine said, "you shouldnt be tellin me this, you should be telling him."

I think ima close myself off in my room and not meet any people. That would make me feel so much better. Why cant you just enjoy someones company without wanting to claim them? Again i reiterate...im so tired...

I think ima take a nap.

[A.J. Grant]

Ok now im like stressing big time...

IMPORT SHOWOFF IS TOMORROW!

Yeah buddy, so im gonna miss my moms ceremony cause i have to be there. I got confirmation today sayin that i was reserved a booth so now i have to be there. I am kinda pissed though cause they told me two weeks ago that there was no space, and now they email me TODAY sayin that they have space. Kinda pushing it close huh?!? I think so. I have to try to get in contact with my girls ASAP cause i have the wardrobe and hair and makeup set tomorrow for the morning, photographer will be there, but how in the hell am i gonna take pictures without the damn CHICKS! Bad cause everyone is gettin pneumonia or the damn flu...im not a happy pimp right now. Yeah i said it...MY NAME SAYS IT ALL SEXY PIMPTRESS and i am not a happy one....a sexy one...but not happy.

I have three chicks...not including myself that can and will be there...i need 3 more and im waiting on their phone calls...waiting is a beeotch.

Still havent made my feeling known to that dude...i dont think i will...he is going through a lot right now...everytime i talk to him i just want to hug him..no no not have sex..i know hugs lead into other things. But just hug him and let him know that im here if no one else is...i dont know how to do that with such a busy schedule as mine has gotten over the past two or three weeks..but dang it...waiting is a beeotch...

till next entry...sExYpImPtReSs

[A.J. Grant]

Hey all i am still up, 1:45 in the morning workin on details for the show tomorrow...man am i a night owl or what..i work well under pressure. What you are about to read are various conversations i have had tonight. Two in particular, me talkin to a female friend and me talkin to a make friend. Screennames were changed to keep anonymosity(is that a word?) and the names in the paragraph were put as" *****".
This should give you and idea of what we women think and what you men let us think....



Myjoy: so...you never did tell me how your date went? i haven't been on a date in a long time
Myjo: lol
AUNEIRJEAN03: it was cool
AUNEIRJEAN03: he was nice
AUNEIRJEAN03: i got pizza thats all i really cared about
Myjo: lol
Myjo: will there be a second date?
AUNEIRJEAN03: maybe
AUNEIRJEAN03: he was a cutie
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
Myjo: where did you meet him?
AUNEIRJEAN03: at a show
Myjo: oh...damn....i need to start kickin it with you
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
Myjo: man....i love these open relationships.
AUNEIRJEAN03: i do too
AUNEIRJEAN03: ***** wants to have an open one but damn im fallin for ***
Myjo: ummmmm....stick with ***
Myjo: the heart never lies
Myjo: lol
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
AUNEIRJEAN03: awwe thats the best thing you could have ever said to me!
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
Myjo: lol....no problem....i have adopted you...you are like my sister. don't have one since i am an only child
Myjo: and trust me...i know that once you are fallin for someone you need to let it progress
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
AUNEIRJEAN03: awwe
Myjo: there is nothing worse than going against the heart
AUNEIRJEAN03: i know...im tryin not to though
AUNEIRJEAN03: fall for him..
AUNEIRJEAN03: its hard..
AUNEIRJEAN03: not his dick, im talkin falling for him
Myjo: lol
Myjo: i know girl
Myjo: take it slow
Myjo: plus...you know it when it's right
Myjo: ***** doesn't respect you if he is going to flirt in your face
Myjo: you can do better than that
AUNEIRJEAN03: thats true...damn i told you that?!?
Myjo: yep
Myjo: you did
Myjo: you deserve much better than that
AUNEIRJEAN03: yeah i know...i dont know why i just happen to catch the guys that have issues...i must have a banner on my head that says, GUYS WITH GIRL ISSUES COME TO ME!
Myjo: honey...we all have the damn sign on our foreheads!
AUNEIRJEAN03: man *** is sooo sweet though
AUNEIRJEAN03: you saw the pic, hes so dman sexy
AUNEIRJEAN03: but ima wait cause i dont want him on rebound...
Myjo: *** is very sexy and yummy
AUNEIRJEAN03: I KNOW!!
Myjo: take it in the butt slow and you will be fine
Myjo: you have to hang on to the good ones
AUNEIRJEAN03: oh hang onto *** ...yeah
Myjo: like my cutie in ****....we have been through so much together...he hung in there with and I did the same
Myjo: we took our time
AUNEIRJEAN03: yeah...
Myjo: and after 4 years...we are still hangin
AUNEIRJEAN03: awwe
AUNEIRJEAN03: thats what i want..one day ima have it, i just dont know when or with who....
AUNEIRJEAN03: hopin its with *** though

[A.J. Grant]

Ok so there is girl to girl and here is guy to girl... do you notice the difference in what we talk about?


tup: im glad i got my flu shot
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
tup: lets hope u dont get sick..
AUNEIRJEAN03: i dont have one so i will be gettin sick next do doubt
tup: cuz then you really wont get anything done
tup: how was your pizza and chicken wings?
AUNEIRJEAN03: it was good
tup: did u have dessert?
AUNEIRJEAN03: no
tup: i think my neighbors are finished having sex
AUNEIRJEAN03: ll
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
AUNEIRJEAN03: you can hear them?!?
AUNEIRJEAN03: if she loud?
AUNEIRJEAN03: is the bed banging?
tup: no the bed's not banging but the first time, the dood was groaning loud, that woke me up..
tup: then the 2nd time, the girl was the one making noise
tup: its kind of erotic n' sexy but annoying as shit at the same time
tup: now i cant sleep
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
AUNEIRJEAN03: oh lord i need some sex
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
tup: i thought u had some sex a while ago
AUNEIRJEAN03: that was a while ago
AUNEIRJEAN03: i can smell me now and im gettin horny
tup: how long ago was it? if u dont mind me asking
tup: ?
AUNEIRJEAN03: um..
AUNEIRJEAN03: maybe a month
tup: from that guy?
AUNEIRJEAN03: what guy?
AUNEIRJEAN03: FROM *****?
tup: yes him
tup: call him up if u want some booty~
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
AUNEIRJEAN03: im sure he will try to get some on sunday
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
AUNEIRJEAN03: we have an event we are going to together
AUNEIRJEAN03: but i dont want any from him anymore
tup: why not?
tup: it gets boring?
AUNEIRJEAN03: lol
AUNEIRJEAN03: no no, i love gettin tied up and doing crazy stuff but im into someone else
tup: ooh, kinky! ok
tup: i get screwed in the butt everytime i'm in a relationship, so i just gave up
AUNEIRJEAN03: awwe you just have to find the right girl
tup: a lot of people tell me that, but i know i'm only 22...
tup: sometimes i want somebody to wake up next to..
tup: but then again i think of all the crap that i had to go through when i got screwed...too painful


damn doesnt this sound like most men out there...maybe thats why i cant find a good one.....

[A.J. Grant]

You know what i just realized? People are full of shit. I have been the optimistic beeotch for 19 years, thinking that people cared about me as much as i do them and you know what? I dont give a damn anymore. I relied on people today, and i got walked over. I relied on people i thought i could rely on and i was sorely dissapointed.This is definitely a dark day for all. Now i know and understand why some people feel the way they do. Dont think ima trust anyone to keep their word...they dont, they back out on you at the last minute leaving you stranded and loosing business. Im pissed. Yes this has not been a good week. Now i want to go cry cause i dont know how else to express how pissed i am. Why do i even let myself trust people...it ends up this way..well i wont let it happen ever again..im gettin tired of people..people can kiss my black a$$ for all i care...

I want to get rid of ICM...i want to totally change it...i have been to open about who i let in my butt and it should be those only worthy of being in my presence. Not to sound like im miss high but when i am easy on people they do what happened to me today...im so pissed...i need to take a nap...and i look so cute today, just the thought of it makes me want to cry.

[A.J. Grant]

So this week has been full of crap as you can see.. i decided to get new girls for ICM....i dont want them all slutty but i dont want the regular girls...maybe i will go to hooters and check out some of the chicks boobs and see which pair is best fit for ICM....gotta get all you guys lookin right? LOL

Anywhoo, my day is feeling a little better..i got some sleep...well not much maybe like 30 minutes, but ima try to sleep more today..

i cant take all this..its too much..maybe that is why im stressing. ...(or is it ?)

[A.J. Grant]

Hello All!

Wasnt it a gorgeous Sunday?!? NOT!

I attended a autoX event today..had a lot of fun. I always do...saw lots of cars drive although some i never expected would be driving a car or truck should i say in autoX. My friends that were driving did very well...one of them is an experienced autoX-er and his overall time was 56.something(seconds people seconds), and my other friend had done his first event today, timing around 60.something. I was the photographer for the event..haha. Im not as good as most people..but when it comes to taking nice racing pics im all on it like white on rice! I love those events...I also saw some evo's. I was talking to a man that placed first in the SM class, (owner of a mercedes) who was telling me that there is a evolution school that travel all over the world with known evolution drivers. They say it is one of the best out there, and that they only come to cali maybe once every two years. It was nice...a lot of red evo's though...stock engines, minor modifications. Minor as far as, shocks, suspension,strut bar, etc. The little things that make a big difference. I think that when i get my evo i want it to be white...tinted windows(dark tint on side and heavy tint on back) nice rims and then i will start workin on the mods.Will that time ever come soon enough! You know as soon as I have that key in my butt I will be placing my SoCalEvo sticker on my window...

ahh..to own a evo..i think i will also start autoX-ing in the ladies category...the last thing i will work on is the weight reduction...i want to get everything else out the way first. I hate when people have the carbon fiber crap and don't stick anything else in....what is the point?!?

I gotta go do some work...oh yeah and i will be back later to comment on the recent events regarding the speech in my journal...

[A.J. Grant]

K so i didnt come back later I came back a day late(and a dolla short...have you guys ever heard of that?) Anywhoo...about how i talkin here...CHILL..haha that was so funny, i wanted to say that only cause i am cold right now(turnin on the heater) and im gettin some nipplage.HAHA

(Now I wonder what that last line i just put will do for the thread they are writing in, about this journal being too explicit...moving on)

Ok i dont see what the big deal is...darn it im just expressing myself...sorry if all my thoughts dont center around cars all the time, 24-7...i do love them(oh the older classis cars is what gets me..CHRISTINE!!) but they arent on my mind like 24-7. Maybe thats why some of you car dudes dont have chicks, or you have em and are on the verge of loosing em or have lost them. Learn to think of something other than the car, but at the same time share your love of cars with your chick...i just happen to BE a chick that likes cars..there arent many like us out there but we were there. Involve her in your events..thats all im saying...then youll keep her..(darn it i went off topic..dont you hate it when that happens..ok let me think...OOH OK)

So anywhoo, my sex thing...yeah its an issue. SOMETIMES. I know how to control that. SOMETIMES(haha). But on a serious note, just because i talk about sex on here(like Missy Elliot said"sex is not a topic we should sweep under the rug, but if you gone do it, strap it up before you smack it up you feel me?), and just because im open to talking about it doesnt mean my legs ar spread open to any nigga(yeah i said nigga) that comes along. I am VERY picky about my sex, VERY touchy when someone jokes about that with me like i do give it out, because I DONT. Dont mistake that fact that i can say i want sex, with me actually gettin it. I think that in reading my words a few of you got mixed up, so I wanted to clarify. Now stop sending me the messages asking for a threesome..i only did that once..well maybe twice..HAHA IM JUST KIDDING!!!(or am i?)

What else cause im laughing as i write this..i had something else to get off my chest(and not my boobs, they are attached to me for life)...OOH ok i rememeber. I found out today (well last night or was it early this morning) that i dont know who to trust. I felt like i could believe anything "you" said, but then i was told differently... showed differently. It makes a difference to me when someone that pretends to be a friend of mine talks about me behind my back, and in my face looks for my sympathy. THAT PISSES ME OFF. I am actually having a great week despite that...last week just taught me that i cant let people get to me, and that is what i am makin sure doesnt happen, but that hurt my feelings you know?

People dont know me, they dont know how hard i have had things...and then i run across pricks in car clubs that feel that because "oh i didnt my what i wanted for Xmas" that a serious injustice has been made to them. F*^&* come on now. Want to hear a serious injustice done wrong to someone? ALright then..

If you were a female, try having your mother not like you because men find you attractive so she send you to live cities away from your family. And although she cant stand you you come back home and find she is with a man who is beating her. You help her and literally get your A$$ beat in the process...want to know what stops the man? As he is beating on you, your mom cracks his head open with a hammer. Yeah, ever seen blood like that? Injustice done? OH NO..thats not even close...your mom gets taken to jail because she defended herself and you get thrown into the "SYSTEM" seperated again from your family. Take being a female and having to raise you and a baby that you are incapable of raising while still tryin to graduate high school,m and upon graduation, entering college at the age of 17. Yeah that is not right...none if it is...but people dont know this about me..now all of you do.So dont go yackin yor mouth about S&()$# being wrong in your life...my life for the past 2 years has been the best, and im proud even when things are bad, cause EVERYTHING i have i worked hard for it. I dont have my parents help, its me and my daughter...so go suck on a big toe with problems that are unimportant...matter of fact, go take 3 fingers shove em up your butt and twist on it. Dont talk about me behind my back and play like you care in my face, ive been through too much to even want to deal with bull crap....

For all the evo lovers that read this i wanted to ad this for you...as i was runnin around the block(cause you know i gotta excercise) i saw a evo...i heard it before i saw it. In Santa Clarita where I live it is the best place to do runs...free for all. IT was nice..i had to just stop and sit and look at it while it passed..

till next entry...sExYpImPtReSs

[A.J. Grant]

So im so silly..goin grocery shoppin tomorrow..i love my kitchen, its so huge..i can just cook like all day...ok well..i think i am going to go to bed soon..cause im tired and i need to get some rest. My daughter is going to start preschool soon. Im scared...i can remember when she was just 7 lbs and i was scared to hold her now she is almost 2 and going to school and potty trained, walking and talking and wearing big clothes like a big girl. It must be something in the chicken...when she gets 10 ima get her a chastity belt. HAHA!!! I dont know what it is though, they grow up so fast, but if thats so, why dont i feel any older? I still feel like a 16 year old when i first found out i was pregnant. Now im 19 shes 2 and i still dont feel a day over 16.One day i will wake up and itll all hit me i guess. You have to see her, she hears music and starts dancing...ima put her in ballet school...haha..

well im going to bed cause im so tired i cant even type right...

[A.J. Grant]

Im feeling so good this week...its a good one though. Hired sme really nice lookin chicks, canceled all other events until after the new models get through orientation. So im preparing for that. I want to have this all tight and ready to go. Darn, these chicks though, they kinda make me feel like..iono...whats the word..NOT WORTHY! They are so cute..maybe i got into the wrong business..car shows man..these chicks are gorgeous! But hey the better looking they are the bigger my business will get. I will give it about a year before it is anything BIG. Its just starting..but i like it a lot.

I finally got 8 hours of sleep last night although i did go to bed at like 2 in the morning. im still kind of tired but it is a beautiful day outside so im gonna go out for a run(i shouldnt treat myself to ice cream after a run, but i love rocky road and mint 'n' chip!) Anywhoo, doing a lot of work and gettin really busy lately..Xmas is coming around the corner and i got a really close friend of mine something he has been wanting for a long time. A part for his car...not just any part...i dont want to say cause i dont know if he visits this site often but..i hope he likes it. Im sure he will...come on now its a car mod...LOL..i cant wait to put it in myself!

till next entry..A.J Grant

[A.J. Grant]

ok i had to edit that post up there cause the last sentence(and i dont know how it happened...) said i cant wait to put it in my butt! WHAT THE HECK!

Anywhoo...im like hella nervous..i have a shoot to do tomorrow and its my first nude photo shoot....im like OH GOD...I wish it were a female photographer, that way i know shes not lookin at me like that (well i still get hit on by females too so i guess thats no good). I cant sleep though...im like OH GOD!haha ok but anywhoo..i found a 24 hour fitness around here to go to...i didnt know where anything was in Santa Clarita now im gettin to know places. So im gonna be going there from now on..i feel like going now...ok im gonna go..

till next entry....A.J Grant

[A.J. Grant]

OMG OH MY FREAKIN GOD...ok i dont know how to express this...why do I find the perfect man but he lives out of state?!?OH MY FREAKING GOD!! I so know this is like someone up there in heaven that is doing this to piss me off! Sexually he is perfect, not screwed up in the head like most of these SoCal dudes are..he's actually taller than me(OH MY GOD) AND he would be a good one to tame me....hehe. But one problem..HE LIVES SO DAMN FAR AWAY FROM ME!!! Ok the thought of this makin me upset...

So i did that shoot..you know the nude one. Yeah I was hella nervous but the photographer was really professional, really cool, we started doing shoots outside so me and him could talk and i can relax..then it got so comfortable that I was directing where I wanted to shoot...it was cool. I had this wig that I used in some of the shots that came out SO NICE. Ended up doing some really good shots in the shower with the water running, it was cool cause my shower has glass doors and silver handles so it came out OH MY LORD....so nice..i wanted to eat myself lookin at the pics that were on the CD. So i will have the pics by Monday on a cd for me...the only reason i took them was cause everybody kept telling me that I needed to put myself on the site some more...i kinda didnt want to but after the shoot it was fun. I am going to use that photographer for some of the other girls that i have, im also going to use Chris(Carphoto.net) to do some pics of some other chicks i have. Im sleepy..going out tomorrow night and i need to finish my hair.

Damn is something wrong with me or do i need to stop having male friends...

till next entry..A.J Grant

[A.J. Grant]

ok so now what do I do? Im stuckin the middle of 3 guys...and i dont know which i want to go for..i want all of em. cant i have just one big orgy? LOL ok no sex talk but for real...they are all great guys and i know i should choose and just stick with the one...but he..well he knows why we arent there...and the others..well they know and now im just confused and this isnt makin any sense to me anymore.
I dont want to be waiting for you to get ready to be with someone...i dont want to wait around for anyone. But i have these feelings and its hard when i talk to you not to let them just run away with me. But you arent ready, thats why there are others...im confused and i dont know what to do and OH GOD MAKE IT STOP! Why when i want you others come along, and im sure that when you are ready, i might not be. What is so hard when you like someone, even if you got a million things going on, just to tell that person that you like them. Just tell her dammit then things would be so much easier on her. She wouldnt mind waiting for you even if it seems like its not fair for her or anyone.She wouldnt mind being there for you when you are pissed at you know who, and when you cant talk to anyone else. But you have to make it so difficult, who cares if you are a jealous bf...maybe she likes that...ugh! ARG! PHST! i hate this crap dont ask me anything...
but hey im still having a great day...

till next entry(and im sure there will be more today) A.J Grant

[A.J. Grant]

Awwe, what a lovely day today...out in my area it was so beautiful outside! I had gone on a run early...like about 7 this morning, didnt get that much sleep cause company was over till about 6. Maybe thats why i just woke up...anywhoo...so i went out for a run got back home and saw these little rugrats outside my house throwing those little cracker things...you know the little poppers that when they hit the ground the crack..or pop or whatever. Kinda reminded me of when i was a kid...made we wish i wasnt so far away from family buthey things happen..SH$T HAPPENS. This Xmas will be fairly like the others...my family had never celebrated, still doesnt because they are Jehovah's Witnesses...i dont know why the JW concept hasnt latched onto me, but ah well maybe one day when im a little older it will...maybe not. So i've never celebrated either, except this year i went buying gifts for particular people...ones i felt deserved to get my money spent on them...one i know would appreciate what i was gonna get em. Now there is just one gift that i wish that i could take back. I got a friend a rear strut bar for his car...but i did it out of something, some kind of emotion i felt that now i dont feel. I am numb to all emotion towards him and now should i give him the gift?What the hell is Xmas for anyways...i guess i will give it to him cause he deserves it, even if i am upset with him. No im not upset(arent i confusing) I dont know...ITS ALL JUST TOO MUCH!LOL

im gonna crash for a minute..i have some work to go over and i need to get a cat nap in before i start staring at sh$t tonight...

till next entry...A.J Grant